4 Terrific Ways to Connect with Your Secretive Teenager

It’s one thing to deal with a teenager; it’s another thing altogether to deal with a secretive teenager.

You try to get them to talk and all they give you is a one-word response, or they look at you and walk away.

You’ve tried shouting, pleading and giving them the same silent treatment and it hasn’t worked.

It was easy to spend time with your teen in the earlier years. They always shared their daily encounters and you even had to cut them short.

Now, connecting with your teenage son or daughter looks impossible as they seem disinterested in most things and don’t want to talk.

That’s just the face they put up for you because all human beings desire to talk about themselves and connect with others. 

The best way to connect with your secretive teenager is through activities that they’ll enjoy.

These activites are aimed at assisting you have a good relationship with your teenager after you connect.

All teenagers can learn to connect with their parents through the ways discussed here and in a teen’s workshop.

So, if you’ve been asking yourself, how can I connect with my teenage daughter or son?

Here are six proven ways of staying connected with your teenager.

Way #1: Teach Your Teen Your Childhood Games

Teenagers today rarely play outside, and if they do, they take part in structured games directed by coaches with parents who want them to outperform each other.

The games teenagers play in school are heavily borrowed from western culture.

The limited cultural exposure to the Kenyan games gives you an excellent opportunity to show your secretive teenager how much fun they can have the Kenyan style.

Teenagers also spend approximately 7hrs a day on their screens playing video games, watching movies or on popular teens apps.

You can’t build a better relationship with your secretive teenager with all those hours on their gadgets. They miss out on simple games that would help them in:

• Healthy brain development
• Improve mental health well-being
• Channel out excess energy that they may redirect to negative behavior
• Get an outlet for the pressures of life in the safety of their parents

You need to pass the baton to your teenager and let them experience the fun in traditional Kenyan games.

These vintage games include:

• Kati or stopu
• Shakes
• Bano
• Bladda
• Hopscotch
• Rounders

As you use these ways to connect with your teenager, ensure it’s more of free play than the structured sports they are used to in school. 

You may be wondering, what do you mean by free or structured play? Or what’s the difference between the two?

Here’s a simple explanation.

The games at first will fall under structured play as you’re teaching them a new game. But as they grasp the concept, allow it to transition to the unstructured section.

These activities will help deal with some teenage problems with parents that your daughter or son may have.

They’ll see that you’re not boring or too strict and they can have fun with you.

Schedule these games weekly, biweekly, or monthly to improve the teenage communication skills of your secretive teenager.

Way #2: Cook Fun Meals with Your Teenager

Yes, Cooking! 

Cooking is a necessary task that some parents wish they dint have to do daily.

Your teenager may have picked this position and may dread being in the kitchen. 

Cooking doesn’t have to be a tedious task. 

You can make it fun by cooking interesting meals, trying out new recipes and allowing them to make their favorite foods. 

Studies have shown that children who handle food are more likely to choose healthier meal options as they interact with various foods and know their nutritional values. 

Cooking is one of the effective ways of  building a good relationship with your teenager because as you cook, you get an opportunity to talk about daily life.

Staying connected with your teenager requires they learn teenage communication skills. Cooking will help them acquire these skills. 

Some skills they’ll learn which’ll help deal with teenage communication problems include:

• Patience: Working on raw ingredients until they get it right or waiting for food to cook properly.
• Follow instructions carefully and accurately.
• Problem-solving: Finding a solution when they over-season or don’t have a specific ingredient, and they can make an alternative.
• Asking for help: You already know your way around food, so they’ll have to admit they need assistance.
• Teamwork: Every parent’s dream is to have their teenage son or daughter on the same team and achieving the same goals. Cooking can be a subtle way of nurturing that skill.

Convinced! 

Cooking sure is one of the excellent ways to connect with your teenager and have a better relationship with your secretive teenager.

Here are some recipes you can start with:

• Cake/mandazi/cookies
• Masala/coated chips or bhajia
• Vegetable salad with creative additions
• Fruit salad with yogurt
• Traditional/cultural foods
• Pizza/coated chicken/burgers

Remember to make it fun and enjoy the process. Get other ideas from your teenager and accept everything reasonable, doable and affordable. 

Way #3: Jog, Walk or Exercise with Your Teen

What better way for your secretive teenager to deal with their fluctuating hormonal levels and mood swings than to take part in exercises. 

Walking, jogging or exercising releases brain chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine, which help regulate moods. 

The added advantage of the mood-stabilizing property makes this method one of the best ways to connect with your teenager.

The first few days may be hard for your teenage daughter or son to get into the routine.

You can have rewards for every milestone they achieve or until it becomes a fun habit.

Frequent exercising helps your secretive teenager release tension and become more open to talking. 

Walking or jogging helps with teenage communication problems because it:

• Makes them more alert
• Clears their mind as they interact with nature
• Helps them have fun and discover interesting things
• Assists you get teachable moments to correct their distorted worldviews

As your teenager warms up to the walking routine, you can introduce jogging or an exercise routine to create variety.

If you’ve been asking how to get your teenager to talk to you, then plan on starting a walking routine, and you’ll see their teenage communication skills improve.

Way #4: Take Part in Community Service with Your Teenager

A team of sociologists tracked 2000 people over five years and found that those who reported they were very happy volunteered at least 5.8hours a month to community service. 

The reasons given for the increased well-being is that community service :

• Makes your body more physically active
• Makes you more socially active
• Gives you a mental neurochemical sense of reward 

What great additions for you and your teenager as you consider this as one of the effective ways of how to build a better relationship with your teenager.

One of the teenage problems with parents is that they think their parents aren’t giving them enough of what they want.

Taking part in community service will help change their attitude, become grateful and communicate better.

A secretive teenager struggles with finding purpose and identity, which hinders communication.

Community service helps to give them a sense of purpose and partly defines their identity in a healthy way. 

You’ll connect better with your teenager as they find their purpose in helping others.

Sit down with your teenage son or daughter and plan on the volunteer activities you’d like to participate in together.

Start with those that they prefer and negotiate your way around it. 

Planning these activities together is also a great way of staying connected with your teenager.

Ready to Connect with Your Secretive Teenager

Teenagers need someone to talk to about what they’re thinking and going through.

A parent is the best person to offer the care, concern and guidance to help them navigate teenhood.

The four ways to connect with your teen discussed here is an excellent start as you look for other ways to communicate with your secretive teenager. 

In our teen’s workshop, we discuss teenage communication skills and the importance of having a good relationship with parents.

Our parenting classes also teach parents to adjust how they communicate with their teenagers and helpful tips to go about it.

Visit our events page today and book your spot.

Image source: Pexels

Jane Kariuki

Jane Kariuki is a devout Christian, Clinician, Psychologist, and founder of ParenTeen Kenya. She authored an exceptional training manual used in her teens’ workshop and an instructional guidebook for her parenting classes. If she is not training, blogging, or counseling, Jane loves to spend time with her sweet husband and three children.