Absent Father: What a Teenager Needs to Know

Have you been asking yourself why your father is not in your life?

Do you sometimes wonder why your present father doesn’t spend time with you? These are concerns most teenagers with absent fathers or present, but absent fathers have. 

The relationship you have with both parents has a significant impact on the kind of person you become as an adult. That is why it is normal to feel hurt because your father doesn’t seem to treasure the relationship he ought to have with you. 

Social scientists and parenting experts have studied how fatherlessness affects a teenager. Some findings they have documented on the effects of an absent father on a teenager include:

• Anger-related depression
• Lower sense of security
• More likely to engage in early sexual activity
• Struggles with feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem
• Struggles with school work and extracurricular activities
• More likely to acquire addictive behavior in their teenagehood

These findings may be worrying to you, but there are ways you can counter these effects. And the first step is to know more about absent father syndrome and how to cope with it. Let us get right into it. 

Signs You Have an Absent Father

Daddies in the Gap did a survey to find out what people thought was the definition of an absent father. The table below shows the findings.

An absent father falls under any or some of the four definitions above. In one sentence, an absent father is someone who cannot or does not want to be involved in a teenager’s life. 

Knowing the behavior and attitude an absent father portrays will help you understand your situation. The most common signs of an absent father include the following:

• Neglects your needs: An absent father fails to meet your physical or emotional needs. You may notice that you cannot go to him for assistance because he is not there; if he is, he often doesn’t want to be disturbed.

• Avoids spending time with you: An absent father usually has an excuse as to why he cannot help you with your assignments or take you somewhere. He is also frequently absent during your school, home, or church events. 

• Leaves most of the responsibilities to your mother: An absent father rarely helps your mother with parental roles such as attending school meetings, disciplining, doing house chores, taking you out, giving you advice, and comforting you.

• Overly strict: Because absent fathers rarely know their teenagers, they set unrealistic goals and rules that, if you break, you suffer severe consequences. They rarely forgive a simple mistake but discipline you as if you always make that mistake when they are not around.

• Has an addiction: Unfortunately, a father who frequently overindulges in alcohol and substance abuse or is addicted to gambling or work cannot give you the care and attention you need. 

An absent father can fit into two or more characteristics described above. You may feel helpless after discovering your father fits in these descriptions, knowing that it is almost impossible to confront them with the facts.

If you cannot calmly talk to your father about it, speak with your mother, guardian, or counselor, and they will give you the support you need to address the challenges you experience. 

Effects of an Absent Father on a Teenager 

As mentioned earlier, having an absent father impacts you in various ways. A father has a role to play in your life that mothers cannot fulfill. 

However, a step-father, an uncle, a coach, or a male teacher can become a father figure and help you learn about life and experience the world from their perspective. 

Let us look at some effects you may experience from having a completely absent father or a present but absent father.

Behavioral Challenges

According to a National Principals Association Report, 71% of high school dropouts came from fatherless homes. In another study by the Center for Disease Control, 85% of children showing behavioral problems and disorders came from fatherless homes.  

The data may come as a surprise because you never thought having a father significantly impacted your life. A present father prevents some behavioral challenges teenagers have from progressing, such as disobeying authorities, bullying, using alcohol or drugs, and experimenting with risky activities.  

Furthermore, a present father offers a positive relationship that is supportive and encouraging, which helps a teenager have high self-worth, confidence, and esteem. 

A good relationship with a father figure enables you to adjust well to life, and you are less likely to misbehave with him watching you closely.

Attachment Challenges

How you relate with your primary caregiver impacts how you connect with others and the relationships you will form in adulthood.

Having an absent father from a young age may cause you to find it hard to develop deep, meaningful relationships with others. 

For example, if your father’s concern for you was inconsistent, you may grow up feeling insecure, and you’ll need people to keep reassuring you that you are loved and wanted.

Other teenagers with present but absent fathers will avoid forming meaningful relationships because they fear getting hurt or abandoned, as they often experience. If they begin to feel an attachment, they suddenly disappear from your life without a good reason. 

Mental Health Challenges

Numerous research correlates the absence of a stable father figure and mental health problems such as anxiety disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), depression, and inappropriate sexual behavior. 

In addition, a teenager is more likely to become addicted to alcohol and substance abuse if their father is absent. 

The bond teenagers form with their fathers helps them feel safe and empowered to deal with life challenges instead of finding addictive ways of avoiding them.

Having a present father to celebrate your achievements and receive his approval also builds your emotional and psychological well-being. A lack of this relationship causes the opposite effect. 

How to Cope with Having an Absent Father

Every teenager has an inborn desire to know and spend time with their father. This desire rarely goes away, and if you lack a father figure, you may look for unhealthy ways to fill that void. 

The first step in coping with having an absent father is recognizing the potential dangers of avoiding dealing with his absence. The following are recommendations you can use to cope:

• Talk to someone you trust about it and inform them you would like help handling the situation. For example, your mother can give you ideas of what to do.
• With the help of your mother or guardian, look for a father figure to mentor you. This person can be your trusted school teacher, coach, neighbor, church leader, uncle, or private tutor.
• Nurture a relationship with God. He is your heavenly father and can fill that void—study his word and talk to him anytime. Additionally, join a bible teaching church, register for a bible study group, and participate in church activities. 
• Make friends who influence you positively. Also, frequently attend family functions where you can interact with your relatives. Having people around you helps social development that you may lack at home. 
• Volunteer in various community activities to build your sense of worth.
• If your absent father wants to reconnect, talk to your mother and guardian about it and follow their advice.

Having an absent father is not easy; you need to seek help from a trusted adult or counselor to help you process the various emotions you are experiencing. 

Contact us at ParenTeen Kenya to talk to someone about your challenges with having an absent father. We will listen to you and offer you the support you need.

Frequently Asked Questions

What causes a father to be consistently absent?

• Parental divorce and separation
• Excess work commitments
• Find the responsibility to be too much
• An addiction that keeps them away

Can an absent father cause attachment issues in teenagers?

Yes, an absent father from an early age causes trauma and leads to attachment issues, such as the inability to stay in a committed relationship. You can also fear getting into any relationship due to fear of being abandoned.

Who is considered a deadbeat dad?

A deadbeat dad is a father who neglects his parental responsibilities. The most often referred to with this term is failing to offer child support.

Images from Pexel and Unsplash

Jane Kariuki

Jane Kariuki is a devout Christian, Clinician, Psychologist, and founder of ParenTeen Kenya. She authored an exceptional training manual used in her teens’ workshop and an instructional guidebook for her parenting classes. If she is not training, blogging, or counseling, Jane loves to spend time with her sweet husband and three children.