Why are Teenagers So Angry: How You Can Help

As a parent, you’ve probably noticed your teenager getting angry more often. 

The sweet child who used to come to you for hugs now seems upset by just about everything you do. 

It may come as a relief to know that you are not the only one going through this. 

The teenage years are tough, with many changes that can make both parents and teens feel stressed out. 

Understanding why your teenager is angry is a good first step in dealing with this tricky time. 

There are many reasons for teenage anger, from changes in how they relate to you to the pressure they feel from friends and society. 

In the next section, we will look at the different things that make teenagers angry and give you ideas on how you, as a parent, can help your child during these years.

Changing Relationships with Parents

As your child enters their teenage years, you might notice a shift in your relationship. 

Your once-clingy child now seems to push you away, and this can be a source of anger for both of you. 

Teens are trying to figure out who they are, separate from their parents. They want more independence, which can lead to conflicts over rules and expectations. 

You might find your teen challenging your authority more often, questioning decisions they used to accept without complaint. 

This push for autonomy can make them angry when they feel you’re not giving them enough freedom. 

At the same time, teens still need your support and guidance, even if they don’t always show it. This internal conflict between wanting independence and needing support can confuse them, leading to frustration and anger. 

Your teen might get upset when you try to help, seeing it as you treating them like a child. But they might also get angry when they feel you’re not there for them. 

It’s a delicate balance, and going through these changing dynamics can be a major source of tension and anger in your teen’s life.

Related: 7 Things Kenyan Parents Should Stop Doing for Their Teenagers

Increased Social Pressures

Maina, a 15-year-old boy, stared at his phone, his heart sinking. He’d been left out of yet another group hangout. As he scrolled through his friends’ posts, he felt a mix of anger and sadness bubbling up inside him.

This story is all too common for today’s teenagers living in a world of social media and constant connectivity. 

Teens like Maina face various social pressures that can lead to anger. The following table gives you a brief overview.

These pressures often overlap, creating a pool of expectations that can feel impossible for your teen to meet. 

When teens feel they’re falling short in any of these areas, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anger. 

The constant comparison with peers, both in real life and online, can exacerbate these feelings, making it hard for teens to feel content with themselves and their achievements.

Diverse Environmental Influences

The environment your teen grows up in plays an important role in shaping their emotions and responses, including anger. 

These influences can come from various sources, each contributing to how your teen perceives and interacts with the world around them.

School Environment

A study published in the International Journal of Progressive Education found that negative school climates characterized by poor student-teacher relationships, high levels of bullying, and a lack of emotional support were strongly associated with increased anger and aggression in students. 

Since your teen spends a considerable portion of their day at school, a challenging or hostile environment can lead to frustration and anger that carries over into other aspects of their life.

Cultural Factors

In some cultures, openly expressing anger is considered normal and acceptable, while in others, it is strongly discouraged.

The way you express anger at home, shaped by your cultural background, also impacts how your teen learns to handle their emotions. 

If your teen sees a difference between how anger is expressed at home and how they feel they should express it based on cultural expectations, it can create confusion and inner conflict. 

This struggle to reconcile home behavior with cultural norms can lead to frustration, which may escalate into anger.

Media Influence

The influence of media, including exposure to violence in movies, video games, and news, can also shape how teens perceive and express anger. 

The direct link between media violence and aggressive behavior is complex and debated. However, a study published on PubMed Central suggests that repeated exposure to violent content can normalize aggressive responses to frustration and reinforce the idea that anger can be expressed through aggression.

Learn more: How to Keep Your Teen Safe Online in 2024

Emotional Regulation Challenges

Safi, a 16-year-old girl, felt her face grow hot as her teacher announced a surprise test. Before she knew it, she had slammed her book shut and stormed out of the classroom, leaving her classmates staring in shock.

This scenario illustrates the emotional regulation challenges many teens face. 

During adolescence, your teen’s ability to manage their emotions is still developing, which can lead to outbursts of anger that might seem disproportionate to the situation.

The teenage brain is undergoing significant changes, particularly in areas responsible for emotional regulation. The prefrontal cortex, which helps control impulses and manage complex emotions, isn’t fully developed until the mid-20s. 

This means your teen might struggle to pause and think rationally when they’re feeling angry or upset.

At the same time, the limbic system, which processes emotions, is highly active during adolescence. This can lead to more intense emotional experiences that your teen might find overwhelming. 

When faced with stress, frustration, or disappointment, they might not have the tools to manage these strong feelings effectively.

Learning to regulate emotions is a life-long skill that takes time and practice. 

Your teen is still in the process of developing this skill, which can lead to moments where anger seems to take over. They might lash out, say things they don’t mean, or react in ways that seem extreme to you.

Understanding that these emotional regulation challenges are a normal part of development can help you approach your teen’s anger with more patience and empathy. 

Modern-day Challenges

The current technologically advanced world forces your teen to face a unique set of challenges that can add to feelings of anger and frustration. 

These modern-day pressures are often different from what you experienced as a teenager, making it important to understand and acknowledge the unique challenges your teen is facing.

Here’s a table highlighting some specific modern challenges and their potential impact:

These challenges can create overwhelming stress and anxiety for your teen, leading to anger outbursts if they do not receive help from you or other trusted adults. 

How Parents Can Help

As a parent, you play a crucial role in helping your teen deal with their anger and the challenges that fuel it. 

While it might feel overwhelming at times, there are many ways you can support your teen through this turbulent period. Here are some specific strategies you can use to help your angry teen:

• Practice active listening: When your teen is upset, give them your full attention. Try to understand their perspective without immediately offering solutions.
• Set clear, consistent boundaries: Establish fair rules and consequences and enforce them consistently. This provides a sense of security and structure.
• Teach coping strategies: Help your teen learn healthy ways to manage anger, such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a walk.
• Encourage them to seek God: Reading the Bible and engaging in consistent prayer can transform your teen’s ability to deal with deep-seated anger.
• Model emotional regulation: Show your teen how to handle frustration and anger in your own life. They learn a lot by watching you.
• Encourage physical activity: Regular exercise can assis in reducing stress and manage emotions.
• Limit screen time: Help your teen find a healthy balance between social media and technology.
• Promote independence: Give your teen appropriate responsibilities and the chance to make decisions.
• Maintain connection: Even as your teen pushes for independence, make sure to spend quality time together and show your love and support.
• Seek professional help: If your teen’s anger seems excessive or uncontrollable, don’t hesitate to consult a mental health professional.

ParenTeen Kenya is an organization run by a Clinical Psychologist. We endevour to use professionals in the mental health space to help our clients. 

Our experienced psychologist will help your teen process and deal with the issues that could be accusing their nager. Book an appointment with us today. 

Jane Kariuki

Jane Kariuki is a devout Christian, Clinician, Psychologist, and founder of ParenTeen Kenya. She authored an exceptional training manual used in her teens’ workshop and an instructional guidebook for her parenting classes. If she is not training, blogging, or counseling, Jane loves to spend time with her sweet husband and three children.