It’s Sunday evening, and you tell your teenager to be home by 7 pm.
You inform them of the plan to have dinner together as you discuss important family matters.
But it’s 8:15 pm, and they’re still not home. When they finally drag in at 8:30 pm, you’re fuming.
A heated argument erupts.
You yell about broken curfews and irresponsibility, while your teen screams about unfairness and independence.
Doors slam, and both of you go to bed angry and upset.
The following morning, you feel guilty and question how you handled the situation. Is there a better way of navigating these challenges?
All parents have moments like this with their children. Where they wonder why their discipline efforts are not bearing fruit.
Today, we will present to you 20 discipline tips you can use (in combination) to help you get better results.
1 – Use a Positive Approach
When your teen makes a mistake, don’t immediately jump to punishments or criticism. Instead, have open and understanding conversations.
Ask them what they learned from the situation and how they can do better next time. Encourage them to take responsibility for their actions and help them find solutions.
Explore more: Why Kenyan Teens are Unable to Deal with Life Problems: Solutions for Parents
2 – Help them Understand Why it’s Wrong
When your teen misbehaves, more than just scolding, help them understand why their actions were wrong. If they’re rude, explain how their words can hurt others. If they break curfew, discuss how it violates trust.
Teens need motivation to improve. Clarifying your reasoning and values moves discipline from punishment to productive learning.
3 – Use Reasonable Consequences for the Behavior
When disciplining your teen, let the consequence fit the behavior. Don’t ground them for a month over one broken curfew. A day staying indoors the following weekend gets the message across without seeming unfair.
Natural outcomes work better than random punishment. If they fail to do their homework, have them do extra hours of study rather than taking their phone.
4 – Resist the Urge to Over-Parent
It’s natural to want to protect your teen, but resist being on their necks and constantly correcting every little mistake. Teens need space to build responsibility and learn from experience.
If you micromanage their lives, they become dependent and fail to mature. Allow them to make some mistakes while guiding them through bigger issues.
5 – Praise Their Efforts Whenever Possible
“I’m proud of you for studying hard and improving your math grade.”
“Getting your homework done before supper every night this week was so responsible. You’re doing a great job managing your time.”
“I noticed you cleaned the sitting area without me asking. Thank you for contributing without being told.”
Giving teenagers sincere, specific praise motivates them to keep applying themselves. Pick moments where they show responsibility, effort, or kindness to sincerely commend them.
6 – Rephrase Your Requests
Do you tell your teenager to perform a task or do something as if they have no rights of their own? If so, they may feel disrespected and undermined.
Instead of: “It’s already noon, get out of bed! This room is a mess. Clean it up now or else.”
Try this: ” I know it’s tempting to sleep in over the weekend, but could you get up and clean your room as we had agreed?”
If they refuse to comply, use the consequences you already have in place without having to shout at them for not listening.
7 – Breathe In and Out
Pausing and breathing in and out or walking away for a moment will help avoid saying things you will later feel guilty about.
Sometimes, you may need to stop in the middle of a sentence and tell them you will have the discussion later or after a few minutes. Doing this will prevent your teenager from building walls due to the way you talk to them.
8 – Work on Creating a Stronger Bond
The teenage years often feel like growing apart, but actively nurture your bond through shared activities.
Ask about their interests and listen intently to learn. Initiate family game nights for laughs without devices.
Grab a snack together on a warm evening just to chat. Look for opportunities to create joy and understanding.
Related: Activities for Teens: 18 Activities to Do with Your Teenager
9 – Use Routines and Schedules to Reduce Conflict
Structure and consistency help teens thrive. Set regular schedules for schoolwork, free time, family meals, and sleep. Routines remove daily guesswork that leads to nagging and arguing.
Clear expectations around household contributions, academics, and curfews keep things running smoothly. Of course, adaptability is still important as needs change. Discuss adjustments together.
10 – Enforce Consequences Immediately
When your teen breaks the rules, avoid empty threats or indefinitely postponed punishments. Enforce reasonable consequences as soon as appropriate after an incident.
Following through consistently and in a timely manner shows you are serious and fair. Make the link between actions and outcomes clear. For example, immediately take away phone privileges if they use devices when prohibited.
11 – Study the Bible Together
Studying the Bible together builds connection through discussing moral issues and biblical examples. Explore verses on:
- Respect
- Responsibility
- Integrity
- Forgiveness
- Salvation
Ask their view to make it conversational. Let God’s principles influence choices and values while keeping dialogue open.
12 – Ensure Your Teen Takes You Seriously
It’s essential that teens respect parental authority, even as they gain independence. If your teen disregards rules, consequences, and requests, discipline becomes ineffective.
Regaining their respect starts with your conduct. Remain calm and consistent, follow through on reasonable consequences, and apologize when you make mistakes.
Explain your rules and emphasize the need to follow through for the good of everyone in the home.
13 – Do Not Get Sucked into the Intense Emotional Reactions
In the heat of conflict, teens often respond with intense emotions—anger, tears, slamming doors, threats, and insults. While their feelings are valid, remain calm.
Do not mirror their outbursts or get baited into screaming matches. Walk away if needed until things cool down, then have an open discussion about what caused the episode and how to handle the situation going forward.
14 – Test Various Discipline Approaches
Every teen responds differently to discipline methods. Certain kids are more influenced by rewards for good behavior than consequences for misbehavior.
Some are motivated by logic and explanations, while others need emotional connection. Observe what resonates with your unique teen.
Notice their personality and adapt strategies accordingly. Are they compliant with clear parameters or require more creative motivations?
15 – Give Your Teen a Choice, Not a Threat
When disciplining teens, avoid overly harsh ultimatums. Rather than, “Clean this room, or you won’t see your friends the entire month.”
Try giving choices. “Would you like to tidy your room before or after dinner?” This allows them autonomy within a structure.
If they don’t comply, enforce the consequences calmly. Say, “Since you didn’t clean before dinner as discussed, please take care of it tonight and plan to stay in this weekend.”
16 – Do Not Take Arguments Personally
When tensions flare with your teen, avoid viewing their outbursts as personal attacks. They are expressing intense emotions, not rejecting you as a parent.
Of course, disrespect is unacceptable, but don’t retaliate in anger. Respond with empathy while enforcing boundaries. Explain how certain behaviors feel hurtful, then move into problem-solving together.
17 – Look Out for Dishonesty
As teens push boundaries, they may start hiding things and deceiving you. Look out for signs like:
- Frequently broken curfews
- Stories that don’t add up
- Undisclosed spending
- Falling grades despite claims of studying
- Secrecy with technology
- New undisclosed friends
Don’t ignore red flags or patterns of small lies that signal bigger issues may lurk beneath. The intention is to address them before they explode and cause unending conflict.
18 – Allow Your Teen to Vent
Let your teen voice complaints, frustrations, and opposing views fully, without interrupting.
Listen sincerely without judgment. Allowing them to vent eases their annoyance and builds trust in you to hear them out.
Once fully expressed, acknowledge their perspective. Without conceding ground, explain calmly why you hold certain rules or beliefs.
19 – Let Past Mistakes Remain There
When addressing current issues, avoid bringing up past misbehaviors. Leave resolved problems behind you. Discipline in the moment by focusing just on the situation at hand.
Saying “here we go again” implies they’ll never improve. Offer your teen a clean slate each day to get right, not regret.
Without a doubt, larger ongoing problems need continued attention. But for small mistakes, forgive and move forward. Effective discipline looks ahead, not behind.
20 – Pray for Your Teen
Alongside practical discipline, pray for your teen. Ask God to help guide them to wise choices, surround them with positive influences, and open their hearts to parental guidance.
Pray for patience, compassion, and supernatural wisdom to parent effectively. Uplift their gifts and strengths. In difficult seasons, intercede for God’s mercy and intervention.
And most important of all, pray that they may be saved. Only Jesus Christ can transform the human heart to honor God and parents for eternal purposes.
Need Help with Your Teen?
Raising a teenager can be challenging even with the best discipline strategies. When tensions become overwhelming, or issues arise beyond your control, don’t hesitate to seek outside support.
ParenTeen Kenya offers confidential counseling for both parents and teens. We will help your teenager reflect on their choices and guide them to choose a better one. Our counselors will also guide you on better ways to handle the discipline situation. Get in touch with us today.
Jane Kariuki is a devout Christian, Clinician, Psychologist, and founder of ParenTeen Kenya. She authored an exceptional training manual used in her teens’ workshop and an instructional guidebook for her parenting classes. If she is not training, blogging, or counseling, Jane loves to spend time with her sweet husband and three children.