Why You Must Set Healthy Boundaries with Your Teen Friends

Natasha, a 16-year-old, is anxiously looking at her phone. 

Her best friend keeps texting her to come to the mall right away. But Natasha really wants to finish the school project she’s been working on. 

She feels torn between her friend’s wishes and her own plans.

Many teenagers face this situation. 

It can be hard to balance what your friends want and what you want to do. 

You might worry about disappointing your friends or missing out on fun times. 

But it’s very important to set some limits in your friendships.

Having boundaries doesn’t mean pushing your friends away. 

Instead, it helps make your friendships stronger and healthier. It also lets you be true to yourself and your own interests.

Today, we will look at four reasons that explain why you need to set boundaries with your friends. These reasons will show you how boundaries can improve your life and your friendships. 

Maintain Your Individuality and Identity

Maintaining your individuality is important during your teenage years. This is a time when you’re discovering who you are and what you value. 

It can be tempting to change yourself to fit in with a group, but doing so can lead to a loss of self and unhappiness in the long run. 

Having a strong sense of identity also helps you handle peer pressure better. 

When you’re confident in who you are, you’re less likely to be swayed by others’ opinions or engage in activities that don’t agree with your values. 

Example

Mugo loved playing chess, but his friends always made fun of it, calling it “boring” and “nerdy.” They pressured him to skip chess club meetings to hang out with them instead. 

At first, Mugo gave in, worried about fitting in. But he soon realized he was losing a part of himself that he enjoyed.

One day, Mugo decided to set a boundary. He told his friends, “Chess is important to me. I’m going to keep attending chess club meetings, but I’d love to hang out with you guys after.” 

At first, his friends were surprised, but they began to respect his choice. Mugo felt much happier being true to himself.

This example shows how setting boundaries can help you keep your unique identity. 

It allows you to pursue your interests without feeling pressured to change who you are. 

True friends will respect your individuality, even if they don’t share all your interests.

Related: How to Make Friends Easily in High School

Balance Friendships with Other Important Aspects of Life

Boundaries help you manage your time and energy between friends, family, school, hobbies, and personal time. 

It’s crucial to have a well-rounded life and not neglect important areas because of friendships.

Balancing different aspects of life is a skill that will serve you well beyond your teen years. 

When you set boundaries to maintain this balance, you’re learning valuable time management skills. 

This balance also helps prevent burnout and ensures that you’re giving attention to all the essential areas of your life, not just one.

Example

Emma was always available for her friends. She’d drop everything to help them with problems or just to hang out. 

While being a supportive friend is great, Emma’s grades started dropping, and she was always too tired to spend time with her family.

One day, Emma’s parents expressed concern about her falling grades and absence from family activities. 

Emma realized she needed to set some boundaries. She decided to dedicate certain hours for studying and family time, during which she wouldn’t respond to non-emergency texts or calls from friends.

Emma explained her new schedule to her friends: “I care about you all, but I also need to focus on my studies and spend time with my family. I won’t be available every day after school, but let’s plan to hang out on weekends.”

At first, some friends were disappointed, but they soon understood. Emma’s grades improved, and she felt less stressed.

This balance made Emma happier overall. She learned that it’s possible to be a good friend while also taking care of other important aspects of life.

Prevent Emotional Exhaustion

Setting boundaries protects your emotional energy. 

It’s essential to care for your friends, but constantly dealing with others’ problems or drama can be draining. 

Emotional health is just as important as physical health, especially during the teenage years when you’re dealing with many changes and pressures. 

By setting emotional boundaries, you’re practicing self-care and ensuring that you have the energy to deal with your own challenges and growth.

Learning to protect your emotional energy also teaches you the valuable skill of empathy with limits. You can be there for your friends without taking on all their problems as your own. 

Example

Jayden was known as the “therapist” of his friend group. Everyone came to him with their problems. 

While Jayden felt good about helping his friends, he started feeling overwhelmed and tired all the time. He had trouble sleeping and couldn’t focus on his own life.

Realizing he needed a change, Jayden set some emotional boundaries. He told his friends, “I care about you and want to support you, but I can’t be available 24/7 for every problem. 

Let’s agree to talk about serious issues during reasonable hours, and for everyday stuff, let’s chat during school or planned hangouts.”

Jayden also learned to say, “I hear you’re going through a tough time. Have you considered talking to an adult you trust about this?”

After setting these boundaries, Jayden felt a huge relief. He still supported his friends, but in a way that didn’t drain him completely. 

This example shows how emotional boundaries can prevent exhaustion. It’s okay to care for your friends, but it’s also important to take care of yourself.

Learn more: 4 Valuable Life Lessons for Teens With a Strong Mind

Build Confidence and Assertiveness

Confidence and assertiveness are essential life skills that will benefit you in many areas, from personal relationships to future careers.

They are like muscles. The more you use them, the stronger they become. 

Each time you set a boundary and stick to it, you’re building these skills. 

This practice helps you become more comfortable and confident expressing your needs and opinions, which is crucial for healthy relationships and personal growth.

Furthermore, being confident and assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive or disrespectful. 

It’s about clearly communicating your thoughts and feelings while respecting others. This skill will help you manage difficult social situations, stand up for yourself, and make decisions that align with your values.

Example

Sofia always had trouble saying “no” to her friends. 

If they wanted to copy her homework or asked her to cover for them when they broke the rules, she’d agree, even though it made her uncomfortable. She was afraid of disappointing them or being seen as not cool.

One day, Sofia’s friend asked her to lie to a teacher about why they missed class. Sofia knew this was wrong and could get her in trouble too. 

Taking a deep breath, she decided to set a boundary. She told her friend, “I’m sorry, but I can’t lie to the teacher. It’s not right, and I don’t want to risk getting in trouble. Maybe we can think of another solution?”

At first, Sofia felt nervous about her friend’s reaction. But to her surprise, her friend respected her decision even though she became mad at her for sometime. 

This experience gave Sofia a confidence boost. She realized she could stand up for what she believed in without losing all her friends.

From then on, Sofia learned to say “no” when she needed to, and “yes” only when she truly wanted to. Her friends started to see her as someone with strong principles. 

Even though she lost a few friends, the ones who remained and the new ones she made respected her.

Do you need help creating boundaries with your friends? Have your friends rejected you for setting a boundary, and you feel stressed about it? Contact Parenteen Kenya and ask your parent or guardian to book an appointment with our teen counselor to help you deal with these issues. 

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the meaning of boundaries in teens?

Boundaries for teens are rules or limits they set for themselves or others to protect their personal space, feelings, and values. They help teens feel safe and respected. Boundaries can be physical, like personal space, or emotional, like not allowing others to belittle them. Setting boundaries is an important part of growing up and learning how to interact with others.

How do boundaries affect teens?

Boundaries help teens develop a sense of independence and self-respect. They guide their behavior and interactions, making it easier for them to make healthy choices and build positive relationships. Good boundaries can help teens avoid peer pressure and harmful situations. They also teach teens to respect other people’s limits and build trust.

What are examples of unhealthy boundaries for teenagers?

Unhealthy boundaries include not saying “no” when they want to, oversharing personal information with strangers, letting others control or manipulate them, and not respecting others’ boundaries. These can lead to stress, unhealthy relationships, and low self-esteem. For example, a teen who can’t say no might end up doing things they are uncomfortable with. Similarly, a teen who shares too much online may put themselves at risk.

Images by Pexel and Unsplash

Jane Kariuki

Jane Kariuki is a devout Christian, Clinician, Psychologist, and founder of ParenTeen Kenya. She authored an exceptional training manual used in her teens’ workshop and an instructional guidebook for her parenting classes. If she is not training, blogging, or counseling, Jane loves to spend time with her sweet husband and three children.