Making friends in school can be hard, especially if you’re shy or new to the environment.
However, it’s an important part of growing and developing social skills.
Forming connections with your agemates can make your school experience exciting. It can help you gain friends to support you, enjoy activities together, and make lasting memories.
The key to making friends easily in school entails stepping out of your comfort zone, being approachable, and actively seeking opportunities to interact with others.
It’s about learning skills such as active listening, confident body language, and engaging in conversations about shared interests. Joining clubs, teams, or study groups can also open doors to meeting like-minded individuals. Let’s look at how you can make friends using these methods.
Identify People Who Can Be Your Friends
The first step is to observe your classmates during lessons or breaks. Pay attention to the topics they discuss, the books they read, or the activities they enjoy. You may notice someone who:
- Loves the same book series
- Plays the same sport
- Has a similar taste in music
- Uses similar resourceful websites for studying
These shared interests can be an excellent foundation for developing a friendship.
Additionally, consider joining extracurricular activities or clubs that align with your hobbies or passions.
Whether it’s the drama club, chess team, or environmental organization, you’ll find yourself among like-minded individuals who share your interests.
These shared experiences help you form friendships and provide opportunities for bonding outside of the classroom.
Lastly, don’t limit your search to school grounds. Attend local community events or hangout spots popular among teens in your area.
These spaces can introduce you to new faces and lead to friendships with individuals who live nearby and have similar interests or backgrounds.
Initiate Conversations and Approach People
Once you’ve identified potential friends, it’s time to take the initiative and start conversations. The key is to use open and approachable body language, such as:
- Maintaining eye contact
- Uncrossing your arms
- Smiling
These nonverbal actions can make you appear more approachable and welcoming to others.
A simple way to break the ice is to start with a genuine compliment or comment on the situation.
For example, you could compliment someone’s unique clothing item or mention the interesting book they’re reading. These comments can lead to a natural conversation about shared interests or experiences.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions as well.
Asking questions shows that you’re interested in learning more about the other person and can help keep the conversation flowing.
The following table gives you examples of how questions can help with conversations:
| Open-Ended Question | Conversation You May Have |
| What’s your favorite thing to do after school? | Invites the other person to share their hobbies or interests. |
| What’s the best book you’ve read recently? | Starts conversations about literature preferences, favorite authors, and memorable stories. |
| What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn? | Opens the door to discussing personal goals, interests, and ambitions. |
| What’s the most memorable experience you’ve had with your friends? | Encourages storytelling and allows both parties to remember past adventures and create new memories together. |
| If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would it be? | Starts conversations about historical figures, role models, and inspirational people. |
Build Rapport and Connect
After initiating conversations and finding common ground, it’s important to continue the connection that is already happening.
Share ways you can reach each other or connect on social media to keep in touch and make plans to hang out or study together.
Organizing study groups or project collaborations can be an excellent way to spend time together while working towards shared academic goals.
As you spend more time together, gradually share personal experiences, thoughts, and opinions.
Opening up and being vulnerable with a new friend can deepen the emotional connection and create trust and understanding between friends.
However, it’s important to pace yourself and avoid oversharing too quickly, as building genuine friendships takes time and patience.
Remember, making friends is a two-way street. Be an active listener, show genuine interest in the other person, and put the same effort to build and maintain the friendship.
Related: 4 Valuable Life Lessons for Teens With a Strong Mind
Develop Communication and Social Skills
If you want to build your friendships, you must learn to communicate well and adopt strong social skills.
One key aspect is practicing active listening. When your friends are speaking, you should:
- Maintain eye contact
- Nod occasionally
- Avoid interrupting them
- Concentrate on what they are saying
These methods show that you’re engaged and value what they have to say. Remember to ask follow-up questions to show your interest and encourage further conversation.
It’s also important to voice your opinions, preferences or needs in a respectful manner. Healthy friendships involve give-and-take, where both parties feel heard and valued.
However, avoid being overly aggressive or dismissive of your friends’ views and requests.
Hers is a video explaining and showing active listening and good communication skills.
Nurture and Maintain Friendships
Nurturing and maintaining friendship entails making time for the relationship.
Set aside dedicated time to spend with your friends, whether grabbing a bite after school, attending a social event together, or simply hanging out and catching up. These shared experiences can grow your bond and create lasting memories.
Additionally, be a trustworthy confidant by keeping your friends’ secrets and respecting their privacy.
Show up for them during challenging times, offering a listening ear or any other support they need. Conversely, don’t hesitate to reach out to your friends when you need support.
It’s also essential to celebrate your friends’ successes, whether it’s a good grade, a personal achievement, or a special occasion.
Taking the time to acknowledge these moments can strengthen your friendship and show that you care about their well-being and happiness.
Overcome Shyness and Insecurities
For many teenagers, shyness and insecurities can be significant barriers to making friends.
However, it’s important to understand that these feelings are common and shared by many others.
Remind yourself that everyone experiences self-doubt or social anxiety at times, and it’s okay to feel nervous or awkward in new situations.
Start small by practicing simple social interactions, such as complimenting someone’s outfit or making a casual observation about your surroundings.
These low-key conversations help build your confidence and make it easier to initiate more meaningful interactions later on.
Celebrate small successes along the way, whether exchanging a few friendly words with a classmate or successfully introducing yourself to someone new.
These small victories can provide motivation to keep putting yourself out there and gradually expand your social circle.
We are Here to Help You
Making friends may seem impossible, but with the right mindset and approach, it can be an enriching experience.
As you use the suggestions above, remember that making friends is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.
If you’re struggling with the fear of making friends, consider reaching out to ParenTeen Kenya, where you can have open conversations and receive guidance from a teen mentor.
Embrace the process, and you’ll soon discover the joy of forming meaningful friendships that can positively impact your school life and personal growth.
Jane Kariuki is a devout Christian, Clinician, Psychologist, and founder of ParenTeen Kenya. She authored an exceptional training manual used in her teens’ workshop and an instructional guidebook for her parenting classes. If she is not training, blogging, or counseling, Jane loves to spend time with her sweet husband and three children.